I feel like I put on shoes that are just too big for me.
There are lots of things I took for granted and there are lots of things I did not expect. I think this is the first time when I realize that indeed the experience in AIESEC was just the top of the iceberg. There are so many things I do not know how to handle, I keep repeating mistakes like I am in a bad dream when everything keeps repeating itself over and over again. Sometimes I realize that I am so, so damn lucky to be able to actually put in place great systems, to try different solutions, to actually leave something behind, and then I have an ordinary day with no successes and only with complaints and requests from all around. Sometimes all that it takes to put me at full speed is a word, is Ducu in front of us at the all hands explaining how we can not bring more projects because we can not bring in enough people, … this is all that it takes, and in the same time I feel how someone else takes most of the blame for my in-successes, for my mistakes, for my stupidity sometimes; and it’s not fair. 
In AIESEC I had some people to speak with about these issues, and not in planned one on ones, but in the evening while drinking a beer and planning the steps ahead. Where do I find that mentor to guide me? to have the patience to accept my mistakes, to make me analyze what I am doing wrong and to guide me on the right way.
I know I’m asking too much; and I know that is no one’s responsibility to guide me, to teach me, to make me improve … but mine.
I need to stop and to take speed in the same time.
The main idea is in fact what are the options here?
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to give up — might be an act of cowardice, a lack of self confidence and ambition, but in the same time might be an act of courage and responsibility
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to continue — an act of irresponsibility or the chance to grow up, to fit the shoes I wear and to leave that mark I was talking about earlier. It’s about becoming that change agent we struggled for so much in AIESEC, might be the achievement of a dream
what will it be? …
aura nu dispera, nu e vina ta, cerinta pe piata romaneasca e asa de mare incat singura posibilitate sa gasesti oameni buni este sa-i ademenesti de la alte firme, si atunci trebuie sa oferi f. mult. nu ma refer numai la bani. din pacate studentii care termina nu au inca experienta necesara pentru un asemenea job.
It seems that you aren’t working hard enough. You should stop complaining, stop doing “nice” but un-useful things for others … put yourself to do the useful stuff.
What do you expect from writing this post? … that someone will come in pour some discipline in you? … or make you out of an instant more responsible for what you are doing?
I know that is nice to behave childish … but as you might notice you are not a child anymore … at this means that people start to expect to do the real stuff.
Being nice is nice, and we should try to be nice … but being nice doesn’t replace being useful.
It seems that I’m not working smart enough … and I am not complaining. And I do not expect this post to solve my problems nor to have some miraculous answers from this. The post is just to open my mind and to admit to myself in writing what troubles me. Because it’s public you can read it, but you should not judge it, unless you have a good piece of advice.
Miti, that’s cruel…
[...] Ultimul post pe bune inainte sa ma mut pe stropdesoare.ro spunea multe si destepte; ca de obicei, timpul confirma. Miti m-ar pune la zid din nou ca ar avea de ce dar … [...]